Grief – An Analogy

24th February, 2019

I came across a grief analogy the other day, and it really impressed me. Originally given by an unnamed doctor (who obviously was a very wise person), I am sorry I cannot give credit to the original person. I felt that this could really help some of you here in this group.

Grief is like a ball in a box

Grief is like a ball in a box. In the beginning, the ball is so huge in the box that the pain button is continuously pressed, no matter how the ball moves.

It moves on its own, hitting the pain button again and again and again. You have no control over the movement and the pain this causes you.

It just keeps hurting you and very often this pain seems completely unrelenting and unstoppable. It hurts so that every part of you feels the intensity of the pain. This pain is not only emotional, sometimes it is so raw it can physically hurt.

Over time the ball in the box gets smaller and smaller. It hits the pain button less and less as it moves around, but when it does it hurts just as much as the first stage of this ball analogy.

At this stage it is slightly better, because you can now function on a day to day level more easily.

The downside of this is, that the ball hits the pain button randomly, and when you least expect it, taking you by surprise.

For most people this ball never really goes away. It might hit the pain button less and less over time as it shrinks and moves around inside the box. But, it will still hurt when it hits that pain button and can take your breath away with the unexpectedness of that sudden pain.

You have more time to recover and catch your breath between hits at this stage. So it is very different to when the ball filled the space completely, and at this stage is not the focus of your attention anymore. So at those times when it does hit, it can feel like you have been floored briefly.

Be kind to yourself when this happens. Allow yourself that time to grieve, feel that pain, and the memories that come with it. Then breathe and move on.

I am sure that this will help many of you to understand grief and the pain of losing a loved one in a different way.

Myths & Facts About Grieving

The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss.

Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

Grieving should last about a year.

There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.

Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.

Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss—but that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.

(From HelpGuide.Org)